What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
