I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
