My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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