help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
