I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
