That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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