i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
