everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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