Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
