You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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