who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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