I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
