i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Enjoy the penises
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
