why didn't you poke me back
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
