I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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