If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
