Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They have beer where we have blood.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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