At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
