I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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