His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just google imaged poop.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
