i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
