I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
