so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
