hotel room ftw
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
handjob tips. give me some.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
