just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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