I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
