forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
