She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
