Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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