that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
