Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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