C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
