I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
