I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
