I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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