Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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