So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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