so let's talk penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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