Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
