If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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