I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
