I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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