I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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