I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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