I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just took my morning after pill in the library
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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