Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
