i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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