so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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