Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
