I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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