What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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