That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
