I cannot find my penis.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
