i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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